My Little Sis

August 16, 2010
Thirty-two years ago today, around 3 pm, (Mom and I argue about the time…it was 2:59 by the way), my life changed forever. On that day, my little sister was born. I was almost 11 and for all those years I had been an only child. There was nobody to have to share my “stuff” with, nobody tagging along with me and nobody to look after. I was excited, but had no idea what was in store around the corner. I remember the day mom went to the hospital. I almost caused trouble when I went down the road to try to get a dog from under a neighbor’s house. Well, maybe it was not my fault…mom and dad did not tell me that Paula was on the way. They took me to my Aunt Polly and Uncle Sid’s house to stay until the “bundle of joy” arrived. It was there that I wrecked my bike trying to hurry back to the house to get the call that Paula was here. I still have the scars to prove it! But never the less, the call came and Paula was here. She was so cute when she came home and I soon realized that all the things that others dread were not in store for me. There were so many years between us that she did not want to play with the toys that I had…oh except for the Tonka truck she cracked me in the head with, she did not want to tag along with me and when she did it was OK because I was looking out for my little sister. As we got older, it was neat to be able to “baby sit” her when mom and dad had to leave. And when school started, people would say, “Oh, you must be Phil’s sister.” By the way, she did not like that I think. That was OK, because after I had graduated, I had lost my identity at school because then I became, “Paula’s brother.”
Then came her graduation and she moved to Wilmington and I hated not seeing her as often. All would be good, however, because she moved to Greenville after graduation from college, (which for your sake, Paula, we will not go in to) and then I realized what little sisters were all about! When she moved back her most important role in the family was that of “Aunt Paula”. She let the boys spend the night with her and of course she let them do what they wanted….stayed up late, ate sweets, slept on the sofa and have the “good pillow”! Let’s not even talk about the stuff she bought them. It has been great to have her play such a big part in my boy’s lives. Of course I still give her a hard time…but that is what big brothers are for, right? Yes, thirty-two years ago my life was changed…but for the better! I can’t imagine my life without my little sister in it. She is the best ever…if you don’t believe me, just ask my sons! Happy Birthday Paula, we love you…and it is OK that you are the favorite!

On the Water

I spent a great day on the Roanoke River with my family yesterday. Although they did not know it, I replayed my childhood over and over in my mind. These were the same miles of river I had skied, knee boarded, and ridden on growing up. It took me back to the days of learning to ski behind a 14 foot, tiller steer boat. Then later I would graduate to a Ski Nautique which was a very new experience. My friend Stanley showed me the finer points of skiing that I could not find behind that little 14 foot boat. Yesterday, I motored those same miles in my boat with my family. Even though my friends growing up were like family; this time it was my real family. I saw the smiles on my son’s face that I am sure that were on mine over 25 years ago. We stopped and fished along the same lily pads as I did. I wondered to myself if those pads had grown older like me and had seen the hoards of passing boaters over the years. However, I did hold back on taking them to the pads where my dad and I caught White Perch when I was a teen. I would meet him after work and fish from the shores seemingly pulling them in with every cast. Those will be for another day!

Then it was time for the final trip down memory lane. We drove the 5 or so miles by river to the Albemarle Sound and took a right to head to Albemarle beach. I spent many days each summer swimming along its shores, having cookouts and digging up clam shells from its muddy bottom. I have seen people baptized in it waters and even once walked on its frozen surface. We would always marvel at how far we could walk away from the shore and still be able to touch bottom. As I pulled the boat up to the shallows, I anchored the boat and watched my boys do cannon balls off the side. As another grin wiped across my face I had to do it….I made sure my pockets were empty, took off my shirt and showed the youngsters how to do it. Instantly I went back in time. No longer was I a 42 year old adult; I was a kid and teen again. I showed the boys how to dig up the clams with our feet although they were not as excited about digging in the bottom of the sound as I was. But as all good things go, these too had to come to an end. We all got back in the boat, weighed anchor and made our way back to river where the ramp waited for us.

I have spent the last day thinking about yesterday, the fun I was able to share with my boys and have been proud to introduce them to my memories.

The Swing

He spoke of the past as if it had just happened and as he spoke, we soaked in his words like water to a shriveling plant. It was as if our father, though he was not that old, was telling us of OUR past, not his. His face lit up as he talked of the “old days” and “old ways”. He brought his friends to give credence and to bear witness to his stories. He welcomed us to his home as if we had known each other forever, even though it had only been a few days. And there we met the swing. There had been mention of it by him and his friends, but seeing it gave it life. It had the wear of the ages on its boards and the paint was worn off from years of use. Then came the time to give us the demonstration. He showed it as a proud father shows how his children plays an instrument, sings or shoots a gun…whatever impresses upon fathers to brag. As he coaxed the swing into movement the years fell off of him with every arc through the air. Quickly he was a child again. His face glowed with excitement of the memories of the past. He showed how he could jump out and then back in again without even causing it to stop. We asked him his age and I am still not sure we were told the truth by anyone, but I do know that for just a moment, thanks to an old swing, he was 10 again. I can imagine as he spends hours in that swing alone he can feel the presence of his family there as they were when he was young. Maybe we have gotten to far from the simple things of life. There is something to say about swings, porches and good friends. It is what keeps us young and gives us therapy. So go back and find that part of your childhood that remains inside you. Let it breath and bring back the joys we once had.

Good-bye My Friend

There are quite a few things I have done in my life that was hard…but none as hard as the decision I have to make. I have begged and pleaded for my dog to peacefully die by himself, but it does not seem that will be the case. Today the kids and Rebecca came home to find him in the goldfish pond and not being able to get out. I guess that he was going once more to be in the water, a place he loved when he was young. When I got home, Rebecca had gotten him out and was warming him because he was so cold. I laid with him and finally brought him into the garage and we both laid together through the afternoon. As he slowly stopped shaking, he tried so hard to breath. I thought that he would go at any time, but again, it was not to be so. He finally laid down his head and rested. His breathing finally calmed and he was fine throughout the evening. We just went back out to tell him good night and to cover him up to stay warm. Once again I told him that it was time and ok for him to leave…that he had been a great dog and friend throughout the years. Then I spent time pleading with God to take him so I would not have to go through making the decision to take him to the vet in the morning to have him “put down”. That sounds so terrible! So as he spends his last night on this earth, my heart breaks as the hours pass until I have to take him to the vet. It is the hardest I have ever made. I guess it is a part of growing up and if it is, I want no part of it.

My Buddy Sinjin

This is Sinjin. He has been my buddy since 1997. I guess you could say he was Rebecca and my’s first child. A couple here in Bethel had a litter and I decided to get a dog but Rebecca wasn’t too keen on the idea! I remember the day we went to look at them. All the others ran around the yard…all except Sinjin. He mad a bee line for Rebecca, crawled up in her lap and went to sleep. He had her! Before we left, she told me that he was the one. So we made the deal and Sinjin was ours.
We took him to our new house and the older he got, the more he tormented Rebecca! He would take her gloves and run around the yard with them. As quickly as she planted flowers, he would dig them back up and he even went as far as peeing on her when she was planting them. You see, he had become my buddy and he did not want to share me with her.
We went hunting when he was trained and though he was not a field trial perfect dog, he did a great job for me. He worked hard to please me and often proved me wrong when I thought I knew where the duck would fall. There were times that I would shoot at the ducks, miss them and he would give me that look. During the winter it was not unusual to see him in the swamp with ice in his hair; but it did not seem to bother him…the colder the better! He would not think twice about jumping in the middle of a frozen swamp to get a downed bird.
Now he is in bad shape. We are not sure what is wrong with him, but he has lost 20lbs since last June. The vet has said he has a mass on his liver, along with other problems and an enlarged heart. Without doing more tests like biopsy or exploratory, they will not know what the problem is. Here is the kicker; with his heart the way it is, even if we did know what was wrong he is very high risk and the vet does not recommend him going under anesthesia. We are going to try a new diet and some antibiotics to try to keep infection and the gases from building up in him. Hopefully it will help him some IF I can get him to eat. That is another problem in itself. If that does not work, I don’t know what I am going to do….well I do know what I HAVE to do, but I don’t like the thought of it!
Just thought I would write some for therapy. Thanks for listening.

Whew, I made it to 42!

Well, it has been a long time since my last entry but man I have been busy. I have been working on my National Boards (If you have never heard of it, it is something that educators have developed that is meant to test your Christianity) and I have not had a lot of time to dedicate to “idle” writing. I just mailed it off Tuesday, so tonight I decided to write a few lines.
Tomorrow I will be 42 years old. Now anyone that is near that age can remember that when we were younger, 42 was really old. I think back to when my dad was in his 40s, and I thought he was old as dirt. But to tell you the truth, I don’t feel that old. Whether you believe in “40 is the new 30” or what, I am not or don’t feel like an old man. Rarely do younger people think I am that old so I feel good about how I have aged. Beyond the not “looking old”, there are many things I have to be thankful for.
In my years of living, I have met some great people and have had the opportunity to do wonderful things. I was blessed to have two loving parents that did everything they could for me. I have really come to appreciate that since I have taught in the public school system. There are so many kids that do not have that, are lacking the love of a father and/or mother and so many times those of us that have both take it for granted. So thanks Mom and Dad!!
I have had great friends; whether it is friends from the past or my friends of a few years, God has blessed me to have way more friends than enemies. Off the top of my head, I don’t know of any people who can’t stand me!! (Uh, if you are one, don’t tell me and crush my feelings) I could never begin to try to name them all, I would never dare to, but I would like to mention some groups. My high school friends that shaped my personality have been a blessing. I often think of you guys when I am teaching and one of my students do something to remind me of you. My college friends, who helped shape my beliefs and help to usher me into “adulthood” were great. My college roommates that were there through the good and the bad…we had great times didn’t we. And then my Bethel friends of my adulthood…I am blessed beyond words to have you in my life. You are there for my family and have truly shown what it is to be a “community”. There are people who live in proximity to each other that are called a “community”, but that is not what I mean. You guys are a family to us. That is special!
Then there are the friends that have helped me through the tough times and have always reminded me that there is a higher power to where I should always give the glory. I have had great Christian leaders in my life other than my mom and dad and I know that God has put them in my life. Howard Plummer, Stan Parker, Stanley Allen, Mike Smith, Jody Keen…and in the past year, Heath Faircloth has helped to feed my hungry soul and have been ears and voice when I needed them. (Although, if Heath doesn’t stop stepping on my toes on Sunday morning, I am going to start wearing safety shoes!) You guys are the greatest!
And lastly, I would like to mention my family. God has blessed me with a wonderful wife and two great boys. Along with my wife, he has blessed me with the extended family of my in-laws. Many people talk bad and make jokes about their in-laws, but I can not even begin to tell you how great mine are. There is not a bad word to be said about them. My father and mother in law do anything in the world for me (of course, it may be because their daughter married me!) Rebecca’s brother, sister and their families are wonderful. Before I was married, if you would have asked me to describe the perfect in-laws, I would have fallen short of the task. Mine have gone far beyond any description I could have given. Thanks for raising a wonderful daughter and accepting me into you family.
So, God, thank you for blessing me with 42 great years of life. Thank you for always being there for me, placing the people in my path I needed and for giving me a wonderful family of uncles, aunts and cousins. If I have 42 more, then that is a plus….but if this is my last, I have no complaints. You have blessed me far beyond my ability to repay you other than trying to live my life the best I can. Forgive me when I fail!

Psalm 23....Personalized!

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

(“But God, sometimes I do want…I want things to go my way…to be easy. I want stuff, to be happy, to have fun!”)

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

(“But God, sometimes the waters get so rough and are not still anymore. The pastures are sometimes full of wolves waiting for me to stumble to devour me”)

3 he restores my soul.

(“Oh, God, but you have to restore my soul so many times…Don’t you get frustrated with me?”)

He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,

(“But I do get scared”)

for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

(“Oh, so many times I would like to take that staff and just knock…sorry God, got a little carried away…but you know how I get”)

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.

(“MY ENEMIES!? I am around them all the time and they don’t care about me!”)

You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,

(“Well, I am waiting!”)

and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

“Oh, yeah Lord, I remember when I wanted that new truck and the money worked out and I got it…but, oh yeah, the hunting I enjoy so much and I can always get what I want for that too. The kids I see everyday that can barely afford new clothes and food, Lord? Oh, yeah I do see how blessed I am. Sorry for that. Oh, you’re not through yet….

Oh, about the water being rough and the wolves? Yeah, I forgot where you told me that you would never leave me nor forsake me. Yeah, and the one about never giving me more than I can handle with your help…forgot that one too! Sorry…

I know you love me and don’t mind restoring my soul. That is what your grace and mercy is for? OK…

I know when I get scared you will never leave me. Yes, I know you love me and I will work on my anger and the whole knocking folks out with the staff thing.
About my enemies?...I know I am supposed to love them too…BUT…OK Lord, I will work on that too. Man I have a bunch of work to do!

I see your grace, love and mercy everyday. Forgive me for the times that I get a little selfish and take my eyes off of you. Help me to see others before me and to constantly do your will. It will take a lot of patience on your part, God…Oh you are used to it? Yeah, you do know me don’t you? Say you are used to it, huh. Thanks God and Good Night.”