Good-bye My Friend

There are quite a few things I have done in my life that was hard…but none as hard as the decision I have to make. I have begged and pleaded for my dog to peacefully die by himself, but it does not seem that will be the case. Today the kids and Rebecca came home to find him in the goldfish pond and not being able to get out. I guess that he was going once more to be in the water, a place he loved when he was young. When I got home, Rebecca had gotten him out and was warming him because he was so cold. I laid with him and finally brought him into the garage and we both laid together through the afternoon. As he slowly stopped shaking, he tried so hard to breath. I thought that he would go at any time, but again, it was not to be so. He finally laid down his head and rested. His breathing finally calmed and he was fine throughout the evening. We just went back out to tell him good night and to cover him up to stay warm. Once again I told him that it was time and ok for him to leave…that he had been a great dog and friend throughout the years. Then I spent time pleading with God to take him so I would not have to go through making the decision to take him to the vet in the morning to have him “put down”. That sounds so terrible! So as he spends his last night on this earth, my heart breaks as the hours pass until I have to take him to the vet. It is the hardest I have ever made. I guess it is a part of growing up and if it is, I want no part of it.

My Buddy Sinjin

This is Sinjin. He has been my buddy since 1997. I guess you could say he was Rebecca and my’s first child. A couple here in Bethel had a litter and I decided to get a dog but Rebecca wasn’t too keen on the idea! I remember the day we went to look at them. All the others ran around the yard…all except Sinjin. He mad a bee line for Rebecca, crawled up in her lap and went to sleep. He had her! Before we left, she told me that he was the one. So we made the deal and Sinjin was ours.
We took him to our new house and the older he got, the more he tormented Rebecca! He would take her gloves and run around the yard with them. As quickly as she planted flowers, he would dig them back up and he even went as far as peeing on her when she was planting them. You see, he had become my buddy and he did not want to share me with her.
We went hunting when he was trained and though he was not a field trial perfect dog, he did a great job for me. He worked hard to please me and often proved me wrong when I thought I knew where the duck would fall. There were times that I would shoot at the ducks, miss them and he would give me that look. During the winter it was not unusual to see him in the swamp with ice in his hair; but it did not seem to bother him…the colder the better! He would not think twice about jumping in the middle of a frozen swamp to get a downed bird.
Now he is in bad shape. We are not sure what is wrong with him, but he has lost 20lbs since last June. The vet has said he has a mass on his liver, along with other problems and an enlarged heart. Without doing more tests like biopsy or exploratory, they will not know what the problem is. Here is the kicker; with his heart the way it is, even if we did know what was wrong he is very high risk and the vet does not recommend him going under anesthesia. We are going to try a new diet and some antibiotics to try to keep infection and the gases from building up in him. Hopefully it will help him some IF I can get him to eat. That is another problem in itself. If that does not work, I don’t know what I am going to do….well I do know what I HAVE to do, but I don’t like the thought of it!
Just thought I would write some for therapy. Thanks for listening.

Whew, I made it to 42!

Well, it has been a long time since my last entry but man I have been busy. I have been working on my National Boards (If you have never heard of it, it is something that educators have developed that is meant to test your Christianity) and I have not had a lot of time to dedicate to “idle” writing. I just mailed it off Tuesday, so tonight I decided to write a few lines.
Tomorrow I will be 42 years old. Now anyone that is near that age can remember that when we were younger, 42 was really old. I think back to when my dad was in his 40s, and I thought he was old as dirt. But to tell you the truth, I don’t feel that old. Whether you believe in “40 is the new 30” or what, I am not or don’t feel like an old man. Rarely do younger people think I am that old so I feel good about how I have aged. Beyond the not “looking old”, there are many things I have to be thankful for.
In my years of living, I have met some great people and have had the opportunity to do wonderful things. I was blessed to have two loving parents that did everything they could for me. I have really come to appreciate that since I have taught in the public school system. There are so many kids that do not have that, are lacking the love of a father and/or mother and so many times those of us that have both take it for granted. So thanks Mom and Dad!!
I have had great friends; whether it is friends from the past or my friends of a few years, God has blessed me to have way more friends than enemies. Off the top of my head, I don’t know of any people who can’t stand me!! (Uh, if you are one, don’t tell me and crush my feelings) I could never begin to try to name them all, I would never dare to, but I would like to mention some groups. My high school friends that shaped my personality have been a blessing. I often think of you guys when I am teaching and one of my students do something to remind me of you. My college friends, who helped shape my beliefs and help to usher me into “adulthood” were great. My college roommates that were there through the good and the bad…we had great times didn’t we. And then my Bethel friends of my adulthood…I am blessed beyond words to have you in my life. You are there for my family and have truly shown what it is to be a “community”. There are people who live in proximity to each other that are called a “community”, but that is not what I mean. You guys are a family to us. That is special!
Then there are the friends that have helped me through the tough times and have always reminded me that there is a higher power to where I should always give the glory. I have had great Christian leaders in my life other than my mom and dad and I know that God has put them in my life. Howard Plummer, Stan Parker, Stanley Allen, Mike Smith, Jody Keen…and in the past year, Heath Faircloth has helped to feed my hungry soul and have been ears and voice when I needed them. (Although, if Heath doesn’t stop stepping on my toes on Sunday morning, I am going to start wearing safety shoes!) You guys are the greatest!
And lastly, I would like to mention my family. God has blessed me with a wonderful wife and two great boys. Along with my wife, he has blessed me with the extended family of my in-laws. Many people talk bad and make jokes about their in-laws, but I can not even begin to tell you how great mine are. There is not a bad word to be said about them. My father and mother in law do anything in the world for me (of course, it may be because their daughter married me!) Rebecca’s brother, sister and their families are wonderful. Before I was married, if you would have asked me to describe the perfect in-laws, I would have fallen short of the task. Mine have gone far beyond any description I could have given. Thanks for raising a wonderful daughter and accepting me into you family.
So, God, thank you for blessing me with 42 great years of life. Thank you for always being there for me, placing the people in my path I needed and for giving me a wonderful family of uncles, aunts and cousins. If I have 42 more, then that is a plus….but if this is my last, I have no complaints. You have blessed me far beyond my ability to repay you other than trying to live my life the best I can. Forgive me when I fail!